Life is a cabaret on stage and off with the wildest queen I've ever met in my life!
War stories here!

There was the time, at Jackie 60, when she pulled one of the big black chairs out of the Domination Lounge and installed it in the bathroom...I guess her knees were starting to give out!

Well, here it is, the famous Joey/Gnome tale from my speech at Joey's roast last year:

quote:

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Friends, honored guest, Ladies and Gents - My friend Joey Arias can best be summed up by the familiar phrase "he boldly goes where no man has gone before" - and usually, there's a good reason for it. Take the case of The Gnome, a four-foot, foul-mouthed fifty year-old Meat Market man, who used to frequent Jackie 60 in the early nineties. Gnome was so obsessed by the trannies in our party that he would often follow us to Florent for breakfast after the club closed at 5 AM. One freezing-cold Wednesday morning in January a few years back, Joey had ambled through the ice in his usual ten-degree costume -black cocktail dress, fishnets and open-toed Frederick's pumps - to join us for breakfast.

We were ki-kiing so long at our table that before we knew it, the sun was up outside. Suddenly we saw Gnome dart in, stealing longing glances at Joey, head for the kitchen, then dart back out. He was a particularly unappetizing sight at that hour in his bloody apron and Budweiser stupor. To our amazement, though, to Joey he was a delecacy, a morning bon-bon to be devoured, a little something extra that the night had provided before bedtime.

Joey's eyes glazed over with that familiar look that we know so well, and gnome, as if hypnotized, made his way to the table. Next, gnome pulled his angry red member out of his jeans and laid it up on the table, completely horrifying in the cruel light of morning. This is what sets Joey apart - he immediately got that demonic gleam in his eye and set about gobbling up the angry Little Elvis before us, in full view of groggy brown dog-walkers outside, the shell-shocked staff of Florent and our entire table. After act one's climax, Joey then took him into the bathroom for the thrilling Act Two. To our dear friend, this early-morning seduction was as satisfying as performing the act on the most beautiful body boy in town, and the audience inside and out only enhanced his pleasure.

Of course there are many stories of this kind, as long ago as a certain Barcelona club balcony years back, and as recently as two weeks ago at Queen Mother, onstage. His joie de vivre is legendary - he gobbles it all up - large and small, better and worse, handsome and homely - any gender, age or skintone. In short -A class act, Ladies and Gents -a true populist and a GREAT entertainer -wherever the stage rises up to meet him.

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Last year at one event, later on in the night at MOTHER, I had to heed nature's call. Yes, I really had to use the bathroom. Standing outside in the short line but which seemed an eternity...and finally banging on the door, meanwhile chatting with the rather sullen & 'straight' dancer who was behind me- his name forgotten. The door finally opens and a tall German tourist exits and almost runs down the hall and disappears, and as the door opens further, Joey's half-smeared face appears with a twinkle in his eye and a half-cocked smile, and I say "Girl, I got to pee!" Joey ignoring my request, looks past me to the on-break go-go boy behind me- and beckons him to come in- within 20 seconds, the deal was negotiated, and the door closes- next victim. I do finally get to use the other bathroom...

Part Two of the story comes from my dear sister Chitah. She was trying to get into the dressing room later to get her stuff, so it was late, toward closing. The door was locked- she starts banging, and hears "oh hold on just for a minute..." and the door opens slightly "just give me a sec" and door closes. Muffled sounds. The door opens with Joey readjusting his disheveled outfit at that point, and the door opens all the way as Chitah says "Girl, just got to get my stuff." Lo and behold- the same bleached blond dancer is pulling up his g-string, and looking sheepish and slightly guilty. Joey has done nothing to repair his face, so the tale reads all across it. From the bathroom to the dressing room, Joey knows no boudaries.

When Chitah and I shared stories the next day, as girls do always, we pieced together the two incidents, and were amazed- such stamina...truly legendary. And that was just one example of so many stories that so many of us have. In fact, almost everyone I know has a Joey story...Ö

Well, although it's difficult to reveal certain personal things in a public forum such as this, I don't know where else on earth I would disclose this little tid-bit from my first experiences at Jackie 60. You see, I had a run in with Ms. Arias. Upon seeing her at the famed nightclub, I approached her to express my admiration for her role in Mondo New York, which was my first
and only exposure to this legend. Suddenly, my hand was grasped very tightly and she swept me into the bathroom. I had thought she was going to
offer me a little candy like the other queens occasionally did. I was mistaken. In less time than it took to close the door, my pants were down
around my ankles and I was in the midst of the strangest sexual encounter I've ever had. I wouldn't call it rape, but it wasn't exactly consentual either. Being quite drunk and confused, it took a moment or two to realize
I was going to have to pry my underwear from her clutches, pull them up along with my pants and high tail it out of there. But, I had never
encountered a woman so strong. She would not give up her hold and with a full mouth, she persisted in trying to convince me to stay put. She was so determined but I didn't want to insult the diva. Calmly, I reclaimed my penis, apologized a couple
of times and ran.
Later that evening, while recovering at Florent, I recounted the frightening experience to my very dear friend Bobby Miller. I don't think I had ever heard him laugh so loud. With a wise and comforting smile he explained that this was not an uncommon occurance, that I was a little naive when it comes to queens and he also said "Welcome to Jackie 60 , you have been officially initiated."

i've been in the same situation except i'd known her for years. i will never dress as a boy again!

i think she found billy beyond's tiny plastic baggie in the bathroom and now it was clutched in her left hand.
she wouldn't listen to no. had me against the wall, pants at my ankles. i kept banging on the door and wall hoping for help. it's the finger nails in the ass that worried me most. 30 minutes later javier came around telling me to finish the business at the door.
the best part was the baggie had been empty from the start but was offered to me over and over.
don't tell anyone, i would be embarrassed!
name witheld.

At the last Jackie 60 tuesdays at Don Hill I had invited a young male friend who had never been to Mother or anything Jackie. He was so excited to come and see all the family and meet so many of the
"girls". We danced, laughed, had a few drinks and I introduced him to several friends. I could tell he was having a really great time. He is young and new to the scene and even a little naive. I left him alone for about three minutes to go to the bathroom. When I returned he was sitting on a banquet with a look of sheer terror on his face. It seemed that Joey had arrived by his side and had his clawed clutches placed firmed in the young man's crotch and wouldn't let go. I couldn't really blame him since the boy was so cute and does indeed possess an absolutely humongous piece. Joey looked as though he had hit the jackpot. When I walked up and asked the beauty if he was ready to go, the look of relief on his face was immediately apparent. Joey on the other hand shot me a look like a dog who was about to have it's bone taken away from him and growled some drunken slurr about "...go get your own bone girl." I informed him that the bone was already mine and grabbed the boy from his clutches and fled. Joey, without missing a beat, turned to the very next person standing there and grabbed a hold of their crotch. It was as though he couldn't stand to have an empty hand for even a moment..

Isn't it time to post the story about the garbage truck in Paris, Daddy?

So, one night after Jackie, i finally succumbed to Joey's charms and entered his/her web of sin (but, DON"T GO IN!).
next morning, while we were lounging together, best Friend Thierry M. called, all excited about his previous night's "special" moments...to which joey replied that she felt plenty satisfied , now that "I, goddess Hera had climbed Mount Olympus"!!! OH LA LA !!

Haven't most people in the New York nightlife been raped by joey?

I know I have ...
and everyone I've asked....

A Monster in Heels! You gotta love her. I know I do.

oh, nevermind...
the title of flloyd's last post made me think there was a personal note for me in here.

but as long as i stopped in...
i've never had a problem "nipping it in the bud" with joey. usually i just tug her hand out of my pants, give it a quick slap, and let her know how it is.
you just gotta out TOP the bitch!!

my sister GINGER took a little longer to learn that lesson. too bad the bathroom cams at mother were gone by then...

I was introduced to "Justine" and instead of reaching out to clutch my hand - she grabbed my crotch and literally would not let go until I had to politely remove it. Apparantly I got off easy

If you still have it...
you got off easy.

and luckily for you, no gum in the pubic region...

I little birdie told me that Joey will have a computer by the end of the week!

The mind wobbles!

maybe now Joey's web site revisions will finally be finished this year...

Joey is a goddess. I have seen her crawl around like a rabid poodle. I love it. I want you, Joey.
I hope I see you soon.

taco...
i don't know who you are or what you look like but i'm SURE you can have her if you want.

speaking of the rabid poodle...
i was helping a young friend out with his science homework last night and we had "big top pee-wee" on comedy central while we worked...
that "american gothic" half-and-half look in the big circus scene was REALLY something!!
i wonder why she doesn't work that at bar d'o?!