The song is coming along nicely. I will be getting my slide processed by Wed. (anyone else?) And making my video - part of my act for the show. Yes, I'll be working on stage with the houseband, a television, projections, and a lot of premeditated mixing, editing -I suspect there might be so much going on - you won't know what to think - and underneath all this art and costuming will be me, and if I manage to choke out a few notes or disturbing thoughts without fainting - thank the Saints/Sinners - fate is fate.

Elphas Emotae,

Swing deep, (Dig Deep, Swim Deep, etc.) – Nothing -- but
All your blow
And wonder, more and more, if it is worth it -- {it's weight in elephants}
To bother
Using your snout,
Or to bother coming up for air. At all.
Anymore.

Feel the wrinkles, the heft of your ass "”to get it through the door, off the floor,
Out there "” to seek more.
Feel the scar issue, the parts falling off, falling out because you
didn't bother
To take the time,
{for elephant hygiene} To care for them properly.
Like you were told.

Feel the crevices widen, the one (down there!) becomes ever more dry
Leather-like – {elephant} electrodes anyone?
And the other (the one you've always appreciated more), separating, the left is, from
Knowing more {the right}
Twisted, inaccessible islands (glee and seed) Lumbering labour, errant synapse, production malfunction.
It so sucks growing "ooooh, old."
Again, I ask, {elephant} electrodes anyone?

"” Elphas Emotae

@ 2003 TonyaKnudsen.com / AnyaHard.com

Dedicated (as well as commissioned/by request of Madame Emma Louise Dollhaus.org) "” "An elephant piece for [your] show."

[This message was edited by TonyaKnudsen on 07-08-03 at 02:45 AM.]

Tetrocromatic [girl] Transmutations, 2.1.2004: "[do] Wear" Extended title: "Loose is the Goose, Courtesans [do] Wear Rousing, Ostentatious Clothing"
------------------------------------------

Checking in with ArtMakers, who I am always hoping to log on and find updates on with regards to their new and existing work. I myself have been quite busy creating off the boards and would like to share a few images from my new collection of work and plan to post "AbbyStract" style (i.e., using several posts to respond as I am having problems networking to my own site from my new laptop).

Nymph, 2003. Digital Lead.

Thanks to BillyBurg Venues for lending me AC, music and vibes: 1) Luxx (who are so fucking rocking as to let me bring an extension cord and even lent out the bar back this week to walk me home) I hear they are changing management soon, hope a few rock nights will continue and the sound guy who plays the best between acts rock tunes remains on the pay check (are ya listenening, TL?) ...

Thanks to BillyBurg Venues for lending me AC, music and vibes: 2) Verb, who have the best cheese plate and tolerate my use of a table for up to 6-7 hours a day while spending less than $5.

Thanks to BillyBurg Venues for lending me AC, music and vibes: 3) Fixx, who has the best bathroom I've ever encountered: rustic, spacious, smells nice [amazing for a coffee house], it's otherworldly, I really feel like every great artist and writer somehow managed to teleport through time somehow to get in there to take a crap at somepoint

[This message was edited by TonyaKnudsen on 10-01-03 at 08:47 PM.]

Thanks to BillyBurg Venues for lending me AC, music and vibes: 4) Sweetwater, for angry, women hating punks and for being the very first place I was ever drawn into of so may years ago now it seems when I took an apt. in Green[burg]point

There are five more images to this series. Words as well, and some video animation, perhaps to be seen in public soon.

Recycling

Yesterday morning, frantic and in tears,
After vomiting all night
After realizing just how much I love you ...
Truly more than any other ... as my ability to love ...
To really love ... deeply and truly has only grown stronger and more unconditional in these long months we've been apart ... you, my ever present hero part 2, who has never failed to answer my call. And it is you who will forever be the standard to which I hold all lovers to compare, and watch them all, past and present, each and every one, fail and fall miserably.

"You are my first choice. I am choosing you over the other, and over the other place. I'm making all the calls today. I want to be here with you."

Let the other place sit empty next month until that stupid lease finally rots away. How could I ever have been deluded enough to think any other was more beautiful to me than you, than your loving face? I am pure joy, and nothing less, each and every morning this past week to wake up and with my first glance see your smile, your warm strong chest, once again in arms reach. I savor this now, your tender skin so close to mine. I will never again take this for granted. For, you, unlike any other, have never left me feeling cheated when you took your leave from my bed. I have every confidence, the draught we had, will not happen again.

But then you said to me "But you threw me away."

Aghast I balked, "I would never throw you away, I would never lie to you, or cheat on you, I left you to follow my heart, for you and for me.* To answer questions I could not have lived with then, without resenting you, but have now, 100% answered."

But, your words echoed in my head all day. Can we fix this I wondered? Can such things be done. Is there a point where hurt is too much? I never thought so, for I can forgive and forget, and give love and get over things and get on with living each day to the fullest, better than most people I've ever known. But you are you, and you have matured and changed in the most wonderfully sexy ways, but perhaps my sudden and unexpected retreat has damaged you too much.

This morning in the bathroom I said to you, "I did throw you away, and for nothing. It's the biggest and only mistake I've ever made." Will I have to regret doing the right thing until my dying day I wondered. Have I really lost you, now that I am just realizing how much more you are to me ... before the tears began to slide, you took me completely by surprise ...

"Good thing then," you answered with that gleam in your eye and your arms open, "I'm recyclable."

For you to say this to me, I belong to you, and only you, once again. And, will not be ever, I hope, again, so easily led astray. We have a long way to go, but I am so looking forward to the months and days to come, of giving you your space to explore, of hopefully falling in love with one another all over, going this time so much slower and more thoughtfully, than the two punk kids who had sex an hour after ramming into one another at a Pigface concert, years and years ago.

And if you have any doubt as to where you live in my head and heart, you are the one and only subject of this post, the other nothing, more or less now and forever, than a footnote I have learned a great deal about myself from.


* Though sadly for one who stalked, swindled, and penetrated our life with no idea how pure the heart was, he was taking reign of,
especially compared to those he'd known before,
and especially compared to his own, which is so undone and gone,
he truly might never learn to love. I am trying not to be bitter, in anyway, towards him. I think of him less and less each day and I forgive him his hate crimes and hope perhaps, he may con artist a rich lass and at least find comfort in money. He deserves at least that, for all he once suffered and can't forgive, and for everyday since, seeing himself, even when he's wronged others, not at fault, but to play ever more unwell, instead, the ultimate and violently angry victim ...
"love me, girl of the day, I'm maimed. Take off your clothes, so I may draw you, as I can't pick up a paintbrush unless there's a chance of getting laid, then, thinking how unworthy you are, just a bitchy conquest I played. I'm hoping your soul is a gaping hole like mine, so you will enjoy, perhaps feel alive, from this vampiristic suck of your pride and mind. It will feed my ego today, and get me through another day at a job I hate, and more people I can't stand, but love to play and dominate, otherwise, without your pretty face, your robust ass, chuncky thighs or sad empty boobs to make me come alive, I'll just sit on the couch, tired and vacant. Play a video game and get angry enough to then scan my head for someone to blame, someone who really loves me who may have said or done something I can blow out of proportion to push them away, so they are forced to suffer with me my pain, and then pay penance, until I need them in my life again. Then, I can charm them back. As I am so gifted this way, after all there's another and another just round the corner to her place, none of it means a thing. Or maybe I'll just have really boring phone conversations with people as tired as me, or have phone sex with the trannies late at night that I'm too ashamed to actually see, or, best yet, lonely, unhappy, women some married, some simply too far away. Oh but the best treat yet for my diseased mind, a homely women with a sweet voice but cruel/dead eyes, full of lies, eyes darker than mine, so we can fuck one another, and get off, not on one another, but thinking about how much it would hurt the one I just told I loved then got scared and had to run away from."

Starting work ...

The Wounded Animals VIP Lounge ...

Won't you come in? Sit down, fuck around, take it all in, or perhaps, get kicked out for making a bit of a ruckus, like yours truly ...

... A new series of tetrachromatic transmutations by Tonya Knudsen for Fall 2004.

As I plan to immediately churn these out while I'm feeling hot, or is that burnt? I will have to find someplace to show these when I'm done, for I foresee these to be the best works I'll have done to date.

Beginning sketches - Troy, my love, you earned your star ... for your short note got me out the door today ...(And actually, twas not a bad day, I spent the afternoon sketching at Landeros' pad while two lovely, buff male models painted his walls in matching calvin klein undies (tightie whities with red waistbands)

Ahh the, umm, paint fumes ....
And then came ...

Proverb Smithy of a Lonely Wife

This message has been edited. Last edited by: TonyaKnudsen,

and the transformation begins...sitting in the lab(or land of the buff)creating gold out of thin air...

behold the magic of art

Made my Broadway Debut today !!! So many stars I chatted with about Meatball my head is spinning ... ;-) I about shit when Patrick Cassidy called me on stage and bantered it up with me (none of the handlers got asked to the mic but me) must be my "mboard star quality".
Maybe I'll be on the news ... I know the event will ...

quote:

---

Broadway Barks 6 returns to Shubert Alley July 10

June 15, 2004 @ 01:57:20 PM

TAILS OF THE CITY INVADE SHUBERT ALLEY!

MARY TYLER MOORE, BERNADETTE PETERS, AND BROADWAY FRIENDS
"PAWS" TO HELP BIG APPLE PETS WITH BROADWAY BARKS 6!,
A STAR-STUDDED DOG AND CAT ADOPT-A-THON
IN SHUBERT ALLEY SATURDAY, JULY 10 AT 3:30PM - 6:30PM

Gary Beach, Stephanie L. Block, Christy Carlson Romano, Patrick Cassidy, Michael Cerveris, Kristin Chenoweth, Beth Fowler, Jordan Gelber, Shirley Jones, Sandra Joseph, Isabel Keating, Swoosie Kurtz, Audra McDonald, Idina Menzel, Michael Mulheren, Denis O'Hare, Brad Oscar, Angie Schworer, Eric Stoltz, John Tartaglia, Jennifer Westfeldt, Rachel York, and more To Appear at a Special Event For New York City Animal Shelters And Adoption Agencies

Mary Tyler Moore and Bernadette Peters will host the sixth annual BROADWAY BARKS!, a star-studded dog and cat adoption event benefiting New York City animal shelters and adoption agencies. The event, produced by Broadway Care/Equity Fights AIDS, will take place on Saturday, July 10th in Shubert Alley (located between 44th and 45th Streets, between Broadway and Eighth Avenue). The festivities begin at 3:30 p.m.; celebrity presentations of pets from citywide animal shelters will take place between 5:30 and 6:30 p.m. (In the event of rain, BROADWAY BARKS 6! will be rescheduled for Saturday, July 24th at 3:30pm.)

Back by "pawpular" demand, BROADWAY BARKS 6! will help many of New York City's shelter animals find permanent homes by informing New Yorkers about the plight of the thousands of "homeless" dogs and cats in the metropolitan area. Last year's BROADWAY BARKS! attracted an audience of more than 6,000 theater fans, pet owners, and animal lovers, and featured the participation of more than twenty animal shelters from the New York City area. Moore and Peters have even greater expectations for this year's star-studded event.

"Bernadette and I feel particularly optimistic about finding homes for dogs and cats in our city. BROADWAY BARKS! joins forces under the Mayor's Alliance which fosters communication among all shelters and rescue organizations," said Mary Tyler Moore.

"Over 300 hundred animals have been adopted through the BROADWAY BARKS! events," said Bernadette Peters, "and we're hoping that through this new partnership with the Mayor's Alliance, we will be able to double that number." Peters has adopted both her dogs, Kramer and Stella, from city shelters.

A galaxy of stars from the Broadway community will join Moore and Peters for this special benefit, presenting the animals for adoption. Celebrity presenters include Gary Beach (The Producers), Stephanie L. Block (Boy From Oz), Christy Carlson Romano (Beauty & the Beast), Patrick Cassidy (42nd Street), Michael Cerveris (Assassins), Kristin Chenoweth (Wicked), Beth Fowler (Boy From Oz), Jordan Gelber (Avenue Q), Shirley Jones (42nd Street), Sandra Joseph (Phantom of the Opera), Isabel Keating (Boy From Oz), Swoosie Kurtz (Frozen), Audra McDonald (A Raisin in the Sun), Michael Mulheren (Boy From Oz), Denis O'Hare (Assassins), Brad Oscar (The Producers), Angie Schworer (The Producers), Eric Stoltz (Sly Fox), John Tartaglia (Avenue Q), Jennifer Westfeldt (Wonderful Town), Rachel York (Sly Fox), and many more.

BROADWAY BARKS 6! will feature a sampling of potential pets from several New York City animal shelters and adoption agencies, including A Cause for Paws, ACC, Animal Haven, ASPCA, BARC Shelter, Bide-A-Wee, Bobby and the Strays, City Critters, The Humane Society of New York, Husky House, JRTCA Russell Rescue, Kitty Kind, Long Island Greyhound Transfer, Loving Touch, Manhattan Valley Cat Rescue, Metropolitan Maltese Rescue, Mid-Atlantic Great Dane Rescue League, New York Siamese Rescue, Northeastern Boxer Rescue, Pet-I-Care, PLUTO Rescue, SICAW, Stray from the Heart and The Tigger Foundation. Representatives from these organizations will be on hand to offer educational information on spaying and neutering.

BROADWAY BARKS 6! will also feature an auction of celebrity-autographed memorabilia. Additional auction merchandise will be available via the Internet by logging on to www.BroadwayBarks.com. Proceeds from the auction and other donations received during the day will benefit the shelters and organizations attending BROADWAY BARKS 6!

For more information about BROADWAY BARKS 6!, call (212) 840-0770, extension 477, or visit http://www.BroadwayBarks.com

---

Lore or legend?

Someone just emailed/reminded me about this one, wanting to know more ...
All I can say is ... remind me to get after David Yow next time I see him.

"I saw you there Sioux City bound in a cornfield. I saw you there stinking." -
Pastoral, Jesus Lizard

My reply is public:
http://www.anyahard.com/sea/harvesting/harvest.htm

?Quien es esta nina?

Thisa message brought to you by "The Ghost of Ego past." More art coming soon.

Semi-Intellectual Thoughts by Miss Tonya on Art and Club Outfits/Outfitting ...

IndieIam.jpg [my political statement for the RNC and subsequent protests, BTW] - or "Native American Punk Rock Patriot Indian Sheriff Pimp" - my Hooker Ball 5 outfit sketch constructed at quite the last hour Thursday evening.

Some day I should do a show of just these scribbly, almost doodled sketches. I've hundreds of these little sketches, mostly in pen, a few, like this one, in pencil -- each done before a themed club event or simply figuring out a new club outfit I'll only wear 2-3 times over the duration of many years before retiring ...

Anyway I suppose some divas use software and/or automated moving clothing racks to avoid this age old dilemma of outfitting with better ease and efficiency ... but for me, I learned long ago, taking 5-10 mins to sketch out my outfits saved me hours in the closet trying clothes on and taking them off and then [dread] hanging clothes back up again [WORK!] ...

I suppose outfitting is at the core of all my art, even the nudes,

I used to give them away to folks who met me the night I wore the outfit giving my number away on it, but I've not done that in awhile ... so I have quite a few of them from recent years loosely falling out of books I've not read since shoving the drawing in the book after getting dressed and prior to dashing crazily out the door.

Anyway enough ramble and explanation, just thought I would share one here ...

Shoot today with the artist/photographer LANDEROS...peekaboo!!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: TonyaKnudsen,

Eyes

Last one called Lie Down.

Anyway, as I am not a studio photographer, and I really have a hard time getting my head round considering myself model material...

I am posting these because shooting the pics this afternoon was so much fun!!!! I forget art can be fun, we all need reminded.

So, if you've not played with a camera and a friend recently, , I recommend it highly as an alternate way of blowing off steam [besides sex, drugs and rock and roll]!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: TonyaKnudsen,

Hiya Tonya! Those are nice pictures of you. Do you do them for anything special? I read about the show at the Dollhouse. Your house sounded like fun. Do you have any pictures of it?

Cheers Lady King!

No, these pictures were not done for any particular reason. Oddly, being an attractive and sensual being of size and curves, I am often asked by photographers and clothing designers, in particular, to model for their artistic endeavors. I really go through it psychologically when I agree to do it; but I like to support young artists with slightly askew visions and I do know I have it in me to allow them to take what they want from me.

To model for a photographer for his or her own artistic creativity is a true labor of love, IMO. Although asked to model more than anyone can quite imagine, I only agree to do it ... if I love the photographer's work and know that they love what it is in me they wish to shoot.

I suppose as an illustrator, I have an odd perspective and insight on the relationship between the traditional fine art photographer and the model.

[But yes, I try to use the images created in these meetings of creative minds as I am proud of the produce in some way ... especially as so much goes into making fine art from my standpoint, and also because for what is gold about me is not my looks, but for someone to actually capture the gold within, it is true magic.

When, oh when Lady king will I get to meet you fair lady?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: TonyaKnudsen,