Sweetie Darling

Elaine and I can't wait to come to Kornhole Kounty - you know me always late - so I missed the first one, but I love seeing your pic in all the magazines . . . and if you have finally forgiven me for the "Cher Bears" debacle at Slide . . . I hope to be at the next K-hole!
Yeeeeeeeeeee Hah

xxxooo Ugly Hapi

So how was it?
I just got back into town tonight and am dying to know how she went.
I will definitely be there next week WITH the wife!

YEEEEEEHAAAAAA!

I hope you had a huge turn out... I LOVE the posters but there wasn't even a poster in the window of Ottos btw. The rain must have turned allot of lazy arses away (like myself) as it was just insane rain all night..... wish u well with this as i think its a brilliant 'concept' and that music needs a great platform here...

oooooh Hapi, the Cher Bears... thanks for reminding us

OMG CHC was amazing! The (out)house band was gee-rate! Epiphany had me in hog heaven. And the gogo dancin' hill folk shore was sweet.

The rain was a bit of a damper, BUT we had a great crowd by showtime and I have to say I have not had such a fabulous evening in a loooong time. Daniel and I were so happy with the mix of cornholin queers, kissin dyke cousins, and inbred str8s. The mood was so light and laid back. The music really lends itself to nestling in and gabbing, that is until something comes on that you jusy HAVE to get out of your seat and do a little cloggin. We have assembled a totally gorgeous, makeshift house band that turned the crowd OUT!!! I have to say seeing the party as it neared 4am was a glorious mess!! Drunken tranny's blathering out Johnny Cash songs during the insane Karaoke twirl, and the beauty of witnessing guys holding each other tight and slow dancing next to str8 dudes dancing with their girls. It made me absolutly love New York again. Please join us this coming Wednesday for our Tammy Wynette tribute starring Bianca Leigh.

Well, I'm sorry that I missed it but (as you know Sweetie) I was in the REAL "Cornhole County" visiting my parents.
On Wednesday night as your party was raging I was on a little excursion with my family to see the new caution light that the county put in where two highways cross and there have been like a thousand accidents.
I was heartbroken that I couldn't be there but was also loving the irony of course.

I am coming this week WITH the "Ball & Chain".
She swears that she is coming!
(I really think she will because she has some new cowboy boots)

Daddy do you think if I gave your maw a visit she could twirl me up an authentic country western hairdo??? Then I could roll up into the nearest VFW hall and get my mouth on something that tasted like forty years of whiskey and Lucky Strikes!!

I know you are saying this to be funny but...
My mother's wood paneled beauty shop in the basement is a hot bed of activity. She would be very happy to put your curls in a big ol' French Twist! Something very classy. I could see you under the dryer reading "Family Circle" with the ladies in a second. They would love you.
(BTW, a few years ago Bobby gave my mom this clear plastic face guard for when she plasters her ladies with hair spray. SHE LOVES IT!!! "I got this from one of Johnny & Chi Chi's friends in New York" she tells her customers. "He's a poet".)
I have to warn you though, you will have to listen to her Shirley Q. Liquor CD. One of my cousins gave it to her and she lives for it.
All the ladies howel.
"Can you believe that this is really a white man?" she asked me.
"A big drunken pain-in-the-ass white man" I told her, "Just ask my friend Sweetie".
"Do I know Sweetie?" she asked.
"She's the one that is doing "Cornhole County" that I am missing tonight".

And again, I know you are trying to be funny but...
Last summer, when we were home, I took Chi Chi to the VFW and "The Wagon Wheel".
She will never be the same.

I am so warmed up for Wednesday.

I am so pleased that your Mom still has the hairspray sheild I sent. I would love to be a fly on the wall of that beauty shop.

Grab yer feller and bring em on down to CORNHOLE COUNTY for a tribute to Miss Tammy Wynette!!! Bianca Leigh gives Tammy backed by The Grand Hole Opry Pickers. Redneck GoGo, booze fueled latenight karaoke and a heapin helpin of hospitality. Shoot me an email for the reduced list. MissSweetieNyc@aol.com

Congratulations Sweetie & Daniel.
(Or as I like to call them, Daniel & Daniel)

This party is even better than I thought it was gonna be!
If you missed out on the Legendary (yes, I said "Legendary" -and I don't throw that word around) CHEEZ WHIZ, don't miss out on CORNHOLE COUNTY.
It's fresh, it's clever but most of all it's FUN!!!!!!!

Sweetie, opened the set singing (yes... SINGING ) a Tammmy Wynette song with her band! The soon to be famous "Cornhole Pickers" I think was their name.
Hot!
Then Bianca Leigh (amazing) sang a few Tammy songs including D.I.V.O.R.C.E. which brought the gay crowd to its knees. Then, as long as they were down there, finished them off with "Stand By Your Man".
Everbody came.

Then, in the late nite CHEEZWHIZ tradition of (I forget what it was called "Happy Harry" or "Slopppy Susan" or something like that) it bacame amature hour with everybody (except me) singing a country Karaoke song. (I was way too busy playing tambourine to sing a song).

Sweetie looked incredible.
At one point she turned sideways on stage and we couldn't see her anymore because she is so thin now! It was just this (very deep) voice singing Tammy Wynette but no one was there!
Spooky.

And speaking of thin and gorgeous...
Poison Eve is looking more and more like MY avatar every day.
What's up with that?


I'm going to the gym.

So glad you had a great time last night Johnny. It has been soooo long since I have seen people stay to the bitter, boozy end at a weeknight party. Karaoke is genius. Let's face it, most Cornholer's don't hang in spots that the fine of art of karaoke is embraced. The Tammy tribute was great. I was just so sad that my god gifted singing talents overshadowed that of my guest star. Thanks for coming out and supporting the night Daddy. It meant alot to Daniel and myself.

Hey Sweetie an Daniel,
I don't know if you heard about this but there is a very classy new celebrity club called "DUVET" what's got beds in it for people to party in.
("DUVET"? Ain't that like a couch or somethin?)
Anyhoo the dude says...

quote:

Each bed is custom designed with French fabric and with a special foam mattress that molds to each persons body as they recline into surprising dining comfort. Silky curtains frame the beds and discreetly placed drawers are available to stash shoes and purses. Customized slippers are also offered to guests. A large, frosted-glass donut tray resides in the center of the bed to support cocktails and water glasses with space.

I think that you all should try this out on Wednesday.
Class-Up your party a little.
Maybe you can just start out with one bed in that back room.
If ya ain't got the money for it yet then just start with the "large frosted-glass donut tray".
I think I speak for everyone when I say I am ALWAYS impressed by a large frosted-glass donut tray.

Bonnie, I've got a LOT of sawdust I can bring...just throw it down on that backroom floor, soak it with whatever bodily fluid is trying to escape from your carcass, and it'll be just like your homecoming.

An speakin' about Homecoming...
I'm thinkin' about having a highschool reunion at CORNHOLE COUNTY.

I don't know what it is about this time a year but I always get senna-mental. I start rememberin' 'bout all my old girlfriends from high school. They was a great bunch a girls. Good people. We had a lot of fun, doin' what young girls do. Pillow fights, talkin' 'bout boys, that kind a thing. I wonder what theys all doin' now? Theys probably all doctors an' lawyers an' shit.
This page is from my yearbook. For some reason they put all our pichers in the back. Said it must a been a mistake at the printers. Oh well.
That's me in the bottom right hand corner. I guess I was upset 'cause they put that black box over my eyes. Everyone still knew who it was though, I don't know how.

I guess they knew it was you because of your signiture grey streak.

Yeah, I guess.

I been having that grey streak in my hair since I was a baby.

Here's me at my 4th birthday party.
The school made me wear glasses for a year 'cause my vision was so blurry.
Then they realized that I was just drunk.

Daniel and I have taken your suggestion very seriously and we scored a couple dozen mattresses that had been thrown out on Ave B. Something about an apartment building infested with bed bugs. We sprinkled em down with poppers to kill the pissy smell so I am sure we got most of the bed bugs too. we broke out the lights in the backroom so when people got tired of partyin, they could either screw or get some shut eye. I couldn't find any frosted donut trays BUT did get a deal on some day old frosted donuts. We are sparing no expense. Couldn't get an open bar BUT we have got a couple of 40's to pass around during showtime. Hope to see everyone!!!!

That's good because I'm coming with about 40 people!