Hi all!

long time reader, but first time writing.

I have a serious need for some important advice/input/suggestion.

To make a long story short, I met a beautiful and wonderful "girl" back in March at a club in East Village. We have been seeing each other and having a great and exciting sex life the last few months. Then something happened. I walked in on her one day without her makeup.

It was in the afternoon at her apartment. She was not expecting me....obviously. It was a weird and terribly awkward moment. At first, I didn't even recognize her.

This happened two weeks ago. We spoke on the phone once, but I have been feeling weird going to see her. I just told her that I have been busy with family and stuff for the holiday.

Please, please, let me know if anyone out there ever have a similar situation.

Thanks in advance for your help!!

...even GG's (genetric females) look different without their warpaint on. I might suggest, if you really like her, you will come to accept and appreciate her for what she is, with or without the make up.
If, however, you solely are chasing the illusion, I would hope you at least call first before you "drop in."
Or pay her to live in full face 24/7.

All IMHO of course. Anyone else?

.....hard.

Thanks Hatches. its a touch of reality for me. I don't think I see her any differently, but emotionally, i guess i just got a stunning dose of reality. this never happened before. its kinda like finding out that santa clause don't exist.

Thanks for your feedback!

Please, anyone else with thoughts on this.

??????? If it really bothers you that much than please just leave her alone.

Therapy helped me a lot.

I think.

I am a 24/7 ts woman, and its people like that that make it so hard for us.. give the girl a break would ya... you know sometimes its hard for (speaking from the "I") me to get out of bed in the morning, I hate walking around without make-up on,, and you say you need therapy.. well sorrry! Not for nothing with a t girl you know what the situation is in the first place, if you cant deal with reality, than dont hook up with any transexuals, if you obviously cannot handle it..

Good Bye, with faery kisses & faery dust....

Hey Naddylove,
I don't think what you are going through is abnormal at all. Every relationship starts out in fantasy... on both ends. Then it changes, slowly getting more "real". And if it's meant to be, it gets better. Don't beat yourself up too much. I think Hatches (as always) is very perceptive and has some very practical advise.
It's a really big thing for a person to "change their gender". I can't even imagine what it must take. So of course this is a very loaded issue with the girls. But again, every relationship starts out in a fantasy world. Enjoy it, roll with it. I think eventually (if it's meant to be) you will ALWAYS see that special "little lady" when you look at look at her. En Femme or not.

I just wanted to clarify myself a bit. i am not going to leave her or stop seeing her. i think she is great and wonderful beyond the "look" and fantasy.

i appreciate everyone's comments and honest opinions. i want you guys to understand that i am not going to do anything differently (except call before i come over). i don't think any more or less of her.
i guess i just felt a little strange at first we i saw her like that. you are right that it is a ver physical relationship and the look was a fantasy. just wondered if anyone else had a similar experience?

life goes on. i respect her and still crazy about her. its just a little different now that i have seen "the man behind the curtain".

thanks

is this the "kind" of guys that are out there.. if so we are i n deep shit girls!

Good Bye, with faery kisses & faery dust....

The next time you tell a girl the reason of you're not seeing her, please tell her the truth. Don't use "...have been busy with family & stuff for the holiday" never again if you're older than 18.

And I think the lady you've been seeing is the woman behind the curtain of man.

you guys are right. i was just a little taken back at first and felt awkward. i took her out to dinner this weekend, and had a great time.

i'm just a little new at this.

good point! she is the woman behind the man behind the curtain.

thanks maki

nl

....Wisdom comes from being unwise....

So much has already been said on this topic, but I cannot resist making comment and putting in my 2 dollars worth.

I will share my experience...which I hope by this point contains some wisdom. I have a coterie of old friends who I see now and then, and the relationships all started on a sexual level, and since these men all live "straight" lifestyles, that is where it remains, and that is fine with me actually (in the past I dated and lived- and will admit that I did love very much as well- with a "straight" boy for a year which ended horribly and miserably from both our standpoints). However, I have "transitioned" these men, all but one, to seeing me without make-up, without party-hat, without heels, etc., and that is fine with them, as at this point, we have enough of a "relationship" that it doesn't matter to them (and their visits are time-limited as well, meaning they just come for a brief while on my terms when I feel like it and I am free). The only one who I still put on my make-up has seen me without, but it is the illusion that turns him on sexually, so it is worth it for me to get it together for him.

If you like this girl, and more than just the sexual experience of it...what I refer to as the delicacy aspect (meaning not a regular diet but just a treat now and then), then deal with your shock of seeing her as she is without all the accoutrements that make us special girls, and then move on with the relationship (which sounds like you may already have). If her being a transy girl brings up issues in you, then also be honest with her, so she knows where you are coming from, and then possibly you can deal with it together. If the bond is not strong enough to do so, then please be honest with her (as Maki said) and let her be, so she can find her prince charming (if that is what she wants, but I think human nature dictates that is what we all want deep down, a man who can deal with all aspects of our personality & lifestyle).

Randella,

you are too right and too true. yes, i was a little taken back at first. she understood that i have never seen her in her other way. i still think she is wonderful and great. i will love to continue to see her.

of course it was awkward at first, but she is special and i have to understand that. i guess whe the smoke cleared, she is still who she always have been, which is a beautiful girl.

thanks everyone for your help. this helped me a graet deal.

I think you are being a very good sport Naddy. As I said before, this is a really sensitive issue with alot of the girls here. Not all of them are as objective as our Nurse Randella.

The girl is lucky then...not all straight men can deal with this touchy issue (and some find it much much harder with than others), so it is reassuring to me (and probably other special girls as well) that there are men out there who can rise to the occasion and not be bothered by our unique aspects.

I just re-read Boy George's Take It Like A Man published in 1995. I ripped through it in 2 days then, and I decided to read it again while on vacation in anticipation of Taboo! coming to Broadway this fall.

Throughout the book, it is very clear from his perspective that Culture Club and all it's success were founded on Boy's and Jon Moss's (the "straight" drummer) special relationship. He and George had a very fiery sexual relationship, which fed the creative juices of Boy's lyrics (which are all about Jon though he was too thick to see that apparently) and the band's music, but Jon always went back to chasing girls (sometimes purposely to hurt George after one of their knock-down drag-out fights) and his "straight" friends where he never included George in that world of his. He wanted his cake and to eat it too. Culture Club's demise mirrored the fallout of their relationship and George's spiral into drugs to deal with the pain of his tortured relationship. According to the Behind the Music special several years back, Jon Moss denies ever having a sexual relationship with Boy, is married now, and has kids. Yawn...

I totally related to Boy's growing up in the book, as I was so similar in behavior as a child with those desires regarding girly self-expression, attention-seeking, and so on. However, the relationship part in the book mirrored one of my own from past years, so was a bit hard to take at times.

I mention this as you may find a better understanding of this unique world of special girls and all their varied representations (like those who move all the way to full on changes or those who want to be eternally preop, or those who just want to be androgynous and live that way, to boys who just want to wear make-up & fashionating heels, and the spectrum goes on and on). Of course, it is a dishy read as well. Even Daddy is in the book when they talk about Marilyn's overly hyped but ultimately botched performance at Area due to "technical difficulties"- more like his crack smoking craziness!

i am happy to have so many people respond in the many different ways. not always easy, but good to get all the encouragement and inputs out there...easy or hard.

nice to get a helping hand when needed.

love you all !

kisses!

xxoo