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In the olde days Chi knew of ths girl who was a perfect slave to all the House divas... her name was gwen and the name went down in history as the verb: To serve perfectly, as in "She wishes she could gwen for him," and also the nouns, "He is such a gwen!" and "His gwennage got really annoying."

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"Gwen", unlike brown, is a very specific term, meaning one who holds your handbag while you go onstage, or otherwise serves. A gwen is one step up from a handmaiden, and two steps up from a ham sandwich. Usage: "She's a good gwen", or, "Michael used to be Steven's ham sandwich."

The cult of gwen began fifteen years ago with a real person, one of the girl rappers in a trio called The Sequence. Their leader was a big church-voiced diva named Angie B. She ran the show. She wrote the songs, made the bookings, and made sure everybody "got a little financial something" after. The pretty, light-skinned one rapped as Blondie, but her real name was Gwen, and Angie was not about to let her forget it. "Gwen, Angie would say, shifting her formidable weight in a chair, "I hate to bother you, but would you mind running down to the store for a pack of Kool Ultras and some Tropical Treat?"

So rehearsal would stop, and Gwen would scurry in her four-inch heels down all those flights of stairs and across the street to get the stuff. No sooner would she return to the studio than Angie would think of another request. "Gwen, you know I hate to bother you, but could you go down and get me a bottle of Olde English and a bag of Cheetos deep-fried?" When Angie gave birth to her daughter Diamond Tiara Stone, we suspected that it was Gwen who had actually gone through labor. Now, Angie certainly considered Gwen a best friend, and Gwenny never questioned her role. Because she was a good Gwen.