What are you talkin' about seven?
You make it sound like eleven toes is weird or sumthin'
Sheee-it.

Hey, that still leaves number twelve and thirteen!

Wasn't that you on the Grammy's underneath George Clinton's tent-like trench coat, goin for the fountain of Funk?

I know the show producers were thinkin about your idea of doin a 'duet' with Johnny Cash, but after the Janet thing........

Dear blog,
Jackie an' I are puttin' a show together. My last show at Cabaret "What's-it" was a big hit.
(Click down here hon an' you can see for yourself)
My show pics

Anyhoo, I'm gonna be singin' my song -all pretty, an' then Jackie is gonna run up on the stage an' pull my tittie out.
Gonna be hot.
Like to see that no-talent Sweetie try that!

Better set up a jumbotron screen on Ave A cause with flashin like that scheduled there won't be enough room in the club for every chapter of the VFW from all five borroughs, not to mention the DAR LL's. With so many horny senior citizens as fans you better line up an EMS unit for standby.

Well, you missed it if you weren't there last night to see a gust of wind knock the jumbotron at the corner of A and Houston over on to the M-14 bus, exposing high voltage cables that sent shocks through the wet pavement to incinerate all of Messy's fans packed in down the block to catch her act.

I was just lookin at a picture of Daryll Hannah... wow Messy are you and she related.. there is SUCH a real resemblance... and Courtney too.. you three could be sisters!

Actually Anna Nicole. I was sitting across from Daryll Hannah at Marc Jacob's show on Monday and...
well, the same thought crossed my mind.
Especially when half way though the show one of her titties popped out of this black halter type dress she was wearing. She didn't seem to notice though.
Reminded me of Bonnie.

(this is totally true. Her tiny tittie really did pop out)

When you look at her, you will notice she has that same glazed look in her eyes (Paula Abdul had THAT same Messy Bonnie Look too on the Grammy red carpet show w/Joan Rivers anyone see that!!) Messy must be have some 'showbiz connections'... how could you even notice her 'alleged tit' it must be SOOOoooo small... pity John John is not still alive Bonnie might have a chance!

I was sitting behind Daryl at the Jacobs show and I was the one who got her anatomy exposed by tugging on the back of her dress just enough to spill that feature out for you Daddy. Messy taught me that trick. Daryl didn't seem to mind and even offered to buy me a drink at Sophie's on E. 5th St. after the show. I just told her $1 beers don't do it for me anymore at which point she flashed her stash. I don't remember much after that.

yeah
that's it
right there
Hmmmmmmmmmm

You're dreaming again.

SWEETIE!!!!!
What are you doing in my dream you bitch!
Where is Orlando?
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Dear blog,
I wuz havin' the best dream about this guy named Orlando an' then that troll Sweetie came in an' spoiled the whole thing.
As usual.
Remind me not to drop acid before I go to bed.
Gives you nightmares.

I wonder if Jackie got home yet?
4:20...
Prolly not.

Sweetie,
Please stop haunting poor Bonnie's dreams. It's really all she has.

Actually, no one is supposed to know, but, the entire Planet Earth is nothing but Messy Bonnie Raitt's dream. Sometimes I feel like I just can't wait until she wakes up.

I havent even begun my reign of terror!!! First your dreams and pretty soon your soul!!!!!! Be afraid, be very afraid!!!!! I will laugh and dance upon your pitiful Potters Field grave you booze soaked, stinking pile of rotting flesh!!!!
hear me laughing Bonnie?? HHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA

ooooooooooooooooo!

Bonnie ,I have employed two menacing goons by the code names of Gil and Gloria who will carry out my evil plan to destroy you. Watch out for a glandularly challenged chick with shredded wheat for hair and a senior citizen sporting a green mullet. She may be pudgy, but she's wiry, and her old man has watched WWF so much he has some of the moves down pretty good. WATCH OUT!

that picture must have been
taken when sweetie was trying
to hold on to a $20 booger
she sneezed out on a night
jackie bigalow was working coat check.

"what do i do, jackie?!?
should i lick it off my hands
or try to pack it back up in there?"

Bonnie, to keep yourself safe from Sweetie's goons: toss them mushrooms and run the other direction.