Stop drinking?

Coming from she who constantly plies me with martinis.

Stop drinking? Oh, you're a card, Hattie!

She's not a card, she's a Bingo Ball.
B-9.
Gee I hope Hattie is B-9!

Dear diary,
I kinda like this guy. He's real cute an' I just know he's got a big one. He's always talkin' about pussy. I like that. I'm gonna see him tonight for his birthday. F*** that Dominican bastard garbage man. He told his friends that he was "takin' out the trash". He can't treat me like that.
I do like Jose though.
But this new guy is a real MACHO MAN. I need that.
Oh, what should I do?

Stop drinking?

Dear diary,
I just saw Jose. My ugly toothless Dominican garbage man. We did it in the truck.
Hot
He smelled kinda different though
Kinda nice
Kinda girly
Smelled kinda familiar too
Who did he smell like?
Hmmmmm...

S W E E T I E !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU HONKEY BITCH!!!!!!!!!!

Bonnie, I think there's a show that's basing a character on you. It's called Reno 911, and they changed your name to Lt. Weigel. You should sue Comedy Central. You can make a lot of money like that, AND get famous.

*

Dear diary,
Just got in.
Feelin' good about myself.

It'll pass.

Dear diary,
It's sunday night.
Think I'll go to The Parkside.
I haven't been to Cheez Whiz in a while.
Time I paid a little visit to that lip-sinkin'-garbage man-stealin'-hunk-a-no-good-two-timin'-bitch SWEETIE!

Dear diary,
Just got back from Cheez whiz.
Where was everyone?
Didn't see no one except Darla Diamond.
Oh well.
If I catch that bitch Sweetie with my toothless garbage man Jose though I'm gonna take that wig of hers and give her a "Nealy O'Hara" she'll never forget! She could get any man. I don't know why she wants to mess with one of Messy's.

Dear diary,
Where did I put those percodans?

Dear diary,
Oh yeah, you're just a diary.
nevermind, I'll find 'em.

Dear diary,
I know I been gone for a couple a days.
Don't ask me where I was 'cause I don't know. Just gettin' myself together an' feelin' good about myself.

Messy, that Princess from Nigeria is pulling what is called an Advance Fee Fraud. It is a simple scam which of course has nothing to do with a dead presidents moola. Essentially the Princess will keep asking you for various fees, for the bank, for to bribe a clerk, for document processing, endlessly until you get tired of it. If the Princess, who would most likely actually be a male member of a criminal gang, thinks you are really hooked you will be asked to come to Nigeria and meet 'her' at which point you most likely will be kidnapped. Of course all this will do an immeasurable amount of good for your diary but little actual good for your recreational substances fund which could get depleted for no other reason but to keep an enterprising Nigerian in late model Nikes and a high ticket Nokia.

So that's where the royalty checks have been going.

That no good funky Nigerian bitch did ask me that shit! Ain't no Zulu whore gonna get a nickle outa me! An' I thought she was good people. Just goes to show... ya never know do ya?
But I don't care 'cause I'm in love.

Dear diary,
I really like this guy. I met him last night at Hattie's new place. He's kinda cute. I took this picher a him.
Ain't he cute?
But that man-stealin' bitch Sweetie better stay away from this one!