Hey, anyone seen my gal pal Jackie Bigalow?
I heard she was back but for some reason she hasn't called me.
She must a lost my number.

Jackie Bigalow is a big slut!!!!!

Yes, I've seen Jackie Bigalow.
I walked into our apartment the other day and found Jackie Bigalow in the arms of our little Casanova! They obviously didn't think I would be home so soon.
How dare you Jackie!

EEeeeeew!!!!!

Ain't nuthin but loooove Daddy. And it's all Casanova's fault. He's the one that turned the little innocent out to bestiality. For weeks that pooch was braggin to me and Bonnie how he was goin to do the little tart. And hey, you better check your stock of dog chow, cause there's a certain human we know who has all a sudden developed a taste for dried ground horse.

Um...Messy What's-Your-Name? You want to explain this one? This is your blog...

Oh she was this girl I met in the Big House...
I mean Home Depot.
She was fun for a minute.

Messy, I saw part of you at the Leftover Crack show in Tompkins Square Park last Sunday. I guess you mistook the name of the band for some kind of free offer. I only recognized you because you were in your favorite moneymaking posture, legs in the air. I hope you had a good time, even though a mosh pit isn't an hourly rate hotel.

Ooo! Ooo! Mr. Kotter, Mr. Kotter!! I'm at Tompkins Square for the crack show every Sunday!

Dear Blog,
Im thinkin' about adoptin' a baby.
All the celebrities are doin it.
I could use the extra food stamps.

Anyhoo, I'm looking into adoptin' this boy named "Dragomir".

He's from Romania.
I guess that means Dragomir is a Roman name.

I found him on the interweb.
I like his style a lot.

I think it would be fun to have the pitter patter of a little one around the house.

I think I'm gonna like bein' a soccer mom.
'Cause that's what they play in Romania, soccer.
That's what Jackie Bigalow says anyway.
Jackie says I should get him.
She says get her one too.
What the hell, I might as well get two.
One for me...

An' one for Jackie.

Gee, you never buy your rock in bulk.

I do when I can.

Dear Blog,
My Romanian baby Dragomir arrived today from wherever it is Romanians come from.
I think it was Brooklyn.
He's got me wore right out!
The kids just got so much energy!
Jackie says it must be too much sugar but I think it's all the coke.
For a little baby he sure puts away the nose candy!
But he sure loves his Mama, God bless him.
He's just so happy to be outta Brighton Beach I guess.


You know,
Ever since I lost Alan's baby...
I been kinda down in the dumps.
Dragamir really helps.

That was a pretty native outfit you wore Bonnie when you picked him up.

Wow Bonnie,that is hot. I'd come from Brighton Beach for a toss with you done up like that. As long as your coke is cut with procaine. I heard that laxatived batch you had last week kept Jackie on the run. Can we dress Dragomir up as a cuddly sheep and take him to Cornhole County?

Dear Blog,
I put my baby up for sale on Craig's List.
Honey, that kid has GOT to go!
That baby is like a vacuum cleaner!
Goes through my coke like it was crystal.
I mean, I got enough trouble feedin' my own nose let alone a baby's.
What the hell was I thinking?
Maybe Madonna's got enough but I just got enough for me an' Jackie Bigalow.
The kid is not stayin' in the picture!
So if anyone wants a Romanian baby...
I got one.
Cheap.